Open to Interpretation

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The five Asian tourists were exploring the many parks that dotted the city of Brussels. One of them gasped and pointed to a statue located on a patio at one edge of the park. She and her four companions started laughing and they excitedly ran toward the statue to investigate.

“We have to take a picture of this,” Jin said, grabbing the camera, while the other four posed directly in front of the statue.

“What do you think this statue means?” asked Sook.

“I don’t know,” said Jade. “But to me it looks like a man straddling a giant vagina.”

(100 words)


Written for this week’s 100 Word Wednesday challenge from Bikurgurl.

For the record, I have no idea where this statue is located and it probably isn’t intended to represent a guy straddling a giant vagina, but that’s what I saw when I first saw Bikurgurl’s photo, so that’s what I went with. I’d love to know what the statue really is and where it’s located.

One-Liner Wednesday — Of Wills and Ways

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“Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.”

I don’t know who originally said this, although it does have a Groucho Marx sensibility to it, don’t you think?

Anyway, when I came across this quote, obviously a humorous variation on the motivational statement, “where there’s a will, there’s a way,” it made me smile. And I knew that I would use it for my next One-Liner Wednesday post.

A Heel of a President

Our brilliant president tweeted this yesterday:

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Did you notice his spelling error? I guess POTUS-45 didn’t. And autocorrect didn’t catch it because “heel” is a real word, just not the right word, as the good folks at Merriam-Webster pointed out in this tweet less than 30 minutes later:

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Trump’s “heel” tweet has to be one of his best tweets since his infamous “covfefe” tweet and it illustrates just what the semi-literate man who is the leader of the free world really is: a contemptible person.


(Trump deleted his original tweet with the incorrect spelling and later retweeted it with the correct spelling, although it did take him two attempts to get it right.)

Man Purses or “Murses”

IMG_2523Last week I wrote a post called Manscaping, which discussed male grooming habits. Becoming hairless is apparently quite the fashion trend in the U.S. these days. I don’t know if this is actually true, but I heard from a reliable source (Jimmy Kimmel) that 76% of American adults have removed most of their body hair below the neck. I’m one of the 24% who does not. And I happen to have a significant volume of body hair below my neck.

Anyway, a blogger, “Busy Mom,” commented on that post, I would love to hear your thoughts on the “murse” or should I say, “man purse.” I told Busy Mom that I’m not a fan of man purses and that I would gladly pick up the gauntlet she threw down.

And so I started crafting a post explaining why I don’t like man purses. Or, for that matter, fanny packs. But I was having trouble getting things rolling. I was struggling to find the right words to describe what it is that I don’t like about man purses.

And that’s when it occurred to me that no one really cares whether I am or am not a fan of the “murse.” It’s just a personal opinion, an individual preference. I don’t possess any special knowledge or insights beyond knowing what I like and what I don’t like.

Besides, I am a “live and let live” kind of a guy. You do your thing and I’ll do mine. As long as you’re not hurting yourself or anyone around you, or are attempting to impose your will upon others, I’m fine. So if you’re the kind of man who is comfortable wearing a man purse, hey, whatever floats your boat, right?

Furthermore, I’m not an expert in men’s fashion accessories. Not even close. In fact, given my preference for comfort over style, I may be the least qualified person to discuss that topic. Hell, if I could, I’d wear my soft, comfy pajamas 24/7.

So with these caveats noted, I have decided to not proceed with writing a post explaining that men who carry man purses look pompous and prissy or that men who wear fanny packs, particularly in front — where they should be called “belly packs” — look ridiculous.

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Don’t You Love Me Anymore?

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“Sorry, honey, but I’m just not in the mood right now,” James told his wife.

“You never seem to be in the mood anymore,” Carolyn said, her eyes tearing up. “Don’t you love me anymore?”

“Of course I love you,” James reassured her. “But I just don’t feel like it right now.”

“You never seem to be in the mood these days.”

“What are you talking about?” James asked. “We’ve done it three time in the past ten days.”

“You’re keeping count?” Carolyn said indignantly.

“No, I’m not keeping count, but I think we’ve been doing it too often lately.”

Carolyn glared at her husband. “Too often? Really? We used to do it much more often when we were first married. You were never not in the mood back then.”

Knowing he couldn’t win this, James relented. “Okay, fine,” he said, “Get your coat and we’ll head to Denny’s for dinner and then go see the movie.”

Carolyn beamed. “See,” she said. “I always know how to get you in the mood.”


Written for Sandi’s Manic Monday challenge to write a post about the 1939 song from the Glenn Miller Orchestra, “In The Mood.”

 

Manscaping

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My wife asked me the other day if I’d ever heard the term “manscaping.”

Uh oh, I thought. This is surely a set up question. It’s a “Honey, do you think I look fat in these jeans?” kind of question. If he says “no,” she’ll accuse him of being dishonest and of patronizing her. If he says “yes,”…well, I don’t even want to think about that.

I thought for a moment about the word in question and figured it had something to do with lawn care. Then I thought perhaps this was a lead in to being taken to task for paying a landscaping company to do that sort of stuff instead of saving us money and doing it myself.

I still wasn’t sure what it meant, so I asked her to ’splain it to me. “You know how women often trim their pubic hair, get a ‘bikini’ or a ‘Brazilian’ trim,” she explained. “Well, manscaping is when men shave or trim their body hair.”

“You mean down there?” I asked, pointing toward my groin while moving my legs tightly together in a crotch-protecting stance. “Why would a guy do that to himself?” The word “ouch” came to mind.

My wife patiently explained that men might engage in manscaping for the same reason that women shave their arm pits, their legs, and shave or trim their pubic hair. It’s cleaner, it’s smoother, it’s sexier.

I’m a hairy guy. I have thick, flowing hair covering much of my body. Except, of course, on the top of my head, which is the only place I would actually want to have thick, flowing hair.

When I was in late adolescence and young adulthood, I couldn’t wait for my chest hair to grow. Back then, a hairy chest was considered manly, masculine, and a sign of virility. By the time I was in my mid-twenties, I had acquired a thick, fur-like covering of chest hair. My back and shoulders were also nearly as hairy as my chest. And I was blessed (or some might think cursed) with a thick patch of the short-curlies “down there.”

I hadn’t given much thought to my abundant body hair until my wife asked me about manscaping. I was content with, and maybe even a little proud of, my man-fur. It simply never occurred to me that some might think it gross or perhaps a bit too Neanderthal.

I Googled “manscaping” to see what it’s all about and was surprised to find more than five million hits. I came across an article in The Daily Beast with the dubious headline, Why ‘Manscaping’ Isn’t Just for Porn Stars Anymore.

It seems that male deforestation is gaining in popularity and is moving into the mainstream of men’s grooming habits. There’s even a term for the male equivalent of the Brazilian female trim, the article noted. It’s called the “Boyzilian.” Cute, eh?

Not so cute, though, was when the same article mentioned that some guys regularly get their butt cracks waxed. Hey, that’s TMI.

Manscaping has become a big business. One site suggested that “keeping a neatly trimmed chest, back, shoulders…and more…will make you appear cleaner and send the message that you care about grooming.” I did not know that.

And I was shocked when I read in that same article that “nobody likes a hairy back and shoulders.” Omigod, nobody likes me!

It’s not as if I needed yet another reason to shun being seen in public in a bathing suit. Now I’ve got to be concerned about causing people to puke when they see my disgustingly hairy back and gross hairy shoulders that nobody likes!

Well, it is what it is. I am not going to succumb to this ludicrous manscaping trend. I’m announcing here and now that there is no way any hair removal wax, razor, or shaver is going to get anywhere near my body below my neck. I may be hairier than the average bear, but it’s who I am.

But wait. Could my wife have been giving me a not so subtle hint that I need to step up my grooming a notch? Hmm.