Manscaping

unshaved man with foam

My wife asked me the other day if I’d ever heard the term “manscaping.”

Uh oh, I thought. This is surely a set up question. It’s a “Honey, do you think I look fat in these jeans?” kind of question. If he says “no,” she’ll accuse him of being dishonest and of patronizing her. If he says “yes,”…well, I don’t even want to think about that.

I thought for a moment about the word in question and figured it had something to do with lawn care. Then I thought perhaps this was a lead in to being taken to task for paying a landscaping company to do that sort of stuff instead of saving us money and doing it myself.

I still wasn’t sure what it meant, so I asked her to ’splain it to me. “You know how women often trim their pubic hair, get a ‘bikini’ or a ‘Brazilian’ trim,” she explained. “Well, manscaping is when men shave or trim their body hair.”

“You mean down there?” I asked, pointing toward my groin while moving my legs tightly together in a crotch-protecting stance. “Why would a guy do that to himself?” The word “ouch” came to mind.

My wife patiently explained that men might engage in manscaping for the same reason that women shave their arm pits, their legs, and shave or trim their pubic hair. It’s cleaner, it’s smoother, it’s sexier.

I’m a hairy guy. I have thick, flowing hair covering much of my body. Except, of course, on the top of my head, which is the only place I would actually want to have thick, flowing hair.

When I was in late adolescence and young adulthood, I couldn’t wait for my chest hair to grow. Back then, a hairy chest was considered manly, masculine, and a sign of virility. By the time I was in my mid-twenties, I had acquired a thick, fur-like covering of chest hair. My back and shoulders were also nearly as hairy as my chest. And I was blessed (or some might think cursed) with a thick patch of the short-curlies “down there.”

I hadn’t given much thought to my abundant body hair until my wife asked me about manscaping. I was content with, and maybe even a little proud of, my man-fur. It simply never occurred to me that some might think it gross or perhaps a bit too Neanderthal.

I Googled “manscaping” to see what it’s all about and was surprised to find more than five million hits. I came across an article in The Daily Beast with the dubious headline, Why ‘Manscaping’ Isn’t Just for Porn Stars Anymore.

It seems that male deforestation is gaining in popularity and is moving into the mainstream of men’s grooming habits. There’s even a term for the male equivalent of the Brazilian female trim, the article noted. It’s called the “Boyzilian.” Cute, eh?

Not so cute, though, was when the same article mentioned that some guys regularly get their butt cracks waxed. Hey, that’s TMI.

Manscaping has become a big business. One site suggested that “keeping a neatly trimmed chest, back, shoulders…and more…will make you appear cleaner and send the message that you care about grooming.” I did not know that.

And I was shocked when I read in that same article that “nobody likes a hairy back and shoulders.” Omigod, nobody likes me!

It’s not as if I needed yet another reason to shun being seen in public in a bathing suit. Now I’ve got to be concerned about causing people to puke when they see my disgustingly hairy back and gross hairy shoulders that nobody likes!

Well, it is what it is. I am not going to succumb to this ludicrous manscaping trend. I’m announcing here and now that there is no way any hair removal wax, razor, or shaver is going to get anywhere near my body below my neck. I may be hairier than the average bear, but it’s who I am.

But wait. Could my wife have been giving me a not so subtle hint that I need to step up my grooming a notch? Hmm.

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30 thoughts on “Manscaping

  1. newepicauthor August 13, 2017 / 1:30 pm

    I have never thought about waxing my butt crack, but one time my girlfriend suggested that I trim up down below, because she was tired of getting curlies in her mouth.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Marilyn Armstrong August 13, 2017 / 1:44 pm

    My first boyfriend could have doubled as a bear rug, but I liked it. At least, at the time I did. Eventually, I didn’t like him, so I didn’t like it. I don’t think women are quite as attached to modern ideas of grooming as the magazines like to tell us. I do remember enjoying the fur, though.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Fandango August 13, 2017 / 4:07 pm

      I hope it wasn’t his bear-like fur that made you stop liking him. My wife seems to be okay with mine.

      Like

  3. Ruth August 13, 2017 / 2:10 pm

    I’m married to a furry man (apart from his scalp, which is bald and shiny) and I really like him being hairy – smooth hairless skin is for boys, in my book. Swimmers and gymnasts and other athletes may take off their masculine body hair for reasons of streamlining but other than that I’m not really a great fan of manscaping 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Fandango August 13, 2017 / 4:09 pm

      Same with my scalp. ☹️ But my wife seems to accept me and my furry body.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sight11 August 13, 2017 / 4:10 pm

    Well was the question really raised?
    I think only when you have certain medical conditions like surgery, you are compelled to do it. Other times, not so much. And at which age did you became bald?

    Liked by 1 person

      • Sight11 August 13, 2017 / 6:39 pm

        What is the reason that people are becoming bald at young age? I am already loosing a ton..

        Liked by 1 person

        • Fandango August 13, 2017 / 9:13 pm

          I’m not “at a young age.” And, as they say, what is, is.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Sight11 August 13, 2017 / 11:22 pm

            OK Sensei, my mistake. But I am and I think by next year I will be looking like you, at least from the top. Haha..

            Liked by 1 person

            • Fandango August 14, 2017 / 6:48 am

              Well, Sight, you know what they say. “Grass doesn’t grow on a busy street.” Anyway, being bald grows on you…just not on your pate.

              Liked by 1 person

  5. Michael August 13, 2017 / 6:48 pm

    I think it’s whatever floats your boat, you like being hairy great, its your body, you decide don’t become a puppet of the pseudo fashion police…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Fandango August 13, 2017 / 9:12 pm

      I stopped trying to follow fashions decades ago. As I wrote, I am what I am.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Michael August 13, 2017 / 9:13 pm

        I have the same opinion of myself. They take me as I am or keep walking

        Liked by 1 person

        • Fandango August 13, 2017 / 9:17 pm

          My first serious girlfriend out of college kept wanting to change me. I would tell her “accept me as I am or reject me.” She hated when I said that. Ultimately, I rejected her.

          Liked by 1 person

  6. adventuresofabusymomcom August 13, 2017 / 9:15 pm

    I love your descriptions of manscaping! And, way to be YOU and not letting it change that. I would love to hear your thoughts on the “murse” or should I say, “man purse.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Fandango August 13, 2017 / 11:07 pm

      That’s just crazy. But you’re right. Cosmetic surgery for men is up dramatically. And not only for six packs, nose jobs, and hair transplants, but for things like butt implants! Sheesh.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Erk Bravo September 14, 2017 / 4:33 pm

    Great read! i’m all over here wishing my hair into existence. would love thoughts on my recent beardy post from any interested

    Liked by 1 person

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